Getting REAL

I particularly enjoy reading the stories, real or fictional, of women who shed their daily lives to wander off to other places and in the process discover themselves.  I enjoy these stories and I hate them.  The jealous part of me becomes positively green-eyed when I see how conveniently all these women are either writers, able to rely on some great book deal, or newly divorced with a rich settlement that allows them to chuck life as they know it and head off on great adventures to find themselves and in the process find not only inner peace but the love of their lives as well.  Sure, I think, it’s easy for them.  They don’t have children, or their children are grown, or conveniently living with their father or some other relative, and they, the children, certainly aren’t disabled.  I ache to be like these women, to throw away all the mundane realities of life as I know it and go questing – Charlemagne in search of the Holy Grail.  But I’m not and in all good conscience, I can’t. 

My life is about as real as they come.  I work to pay the bills, struggle with the economies of the moment, jettison all but the most necessary to stay financially afloat, feel stressed and strained by the demands on my time and energies that come part and parcel with having an adult child who despite her age is fully dependent.  My daughter’s care requires a stamina and strength I don’t believe I was born with but somehow I managed to mine.  Though I long to see the world, my quest, of necessity (and integrity) has been an inward one.  I couldn’t explore the outer so I held a glass to the inner.  What a world I did discover.  

Acceptance

I never set out to find enlightenment.  At various times in my life I’ve dabbled with meditation and always, I’ve held a healthy curiosity about all things spiritual.  But seeking nirvana has never been a goal.  All I ever wanted was to make sense of a life - mine - that somehow got derailed by circumstances to become something “other.”  I read extensively, a woman in search of meaning.  Though I have yet to find understanding, for the most part I’ve reached a place of acceptance.  Maybe that’s all there really is.  Maybe that is the brass ring of every spiritual quest – to accept the what is.

So Here It Is...

I just got in from a wonderful meeting with Carrie - my not so virtual Virtual Assistant.  We chatted about this and that and the direction I want my business - Options for Ease - to take.  What came forth was one more affirmation that my personal story is one worth telling - not because it's a great story of happy endings all tied up with a bow - it isn't - but because I've lived one of those lives that is rich in lessons and learning - lessons that are at once both timely and timeless.

Over the years, so many people have told me - "Tell your story!"  "If you want to help people, then share what you've learned."  It feels so raw.  I feel vulnerable.  How could I expose myself like that?  Gulp!!

I HATE when people look at me with sympathy and say things like, "Oh, things are so hard for you.  How do you ever cope?"

I cope because I do.  My life is simply my life.  I don't know anything else.  And so - I "cope."  I do what everyone does.  I find my way as best I can in living the life that I've been given. Granted, it's a life that involves a lot of complexity and at times gets more than a bit overwhelming.  Still, I do what everyone does.  I get up in the morning, face the day and make a decision to stay in the game.  Sometimes, that's all any of us can do.

Yet - I know what my friends are saying.  I have learned a lot from simply dealing with what shows up.  What I have found, and continue to find, over and over and over again, is that when I open up about what to me is raw and real and vulnerable is that people listen.  They want more.  They tell me they find great comfort and inspiration in knowing that there's another human being out here in the great wilds of life who is willing to wrestle with the scary realities and the possibility that things can be better.

So with a deep breath and and a long sigh, I'm going to dive in and share "What I Learned Along the Way."   I've written a lot over the years about life as a parent of a child with significant disabilities, about coping with life post-concussion, about learning and attending and how a method developed by an Israel scientist, Moshe Feldenkrais, has and continues to inform my life.  Now, I'm committing to blogging about my experiences and the lessons I've learned. 

I've learned a lot.  I have a lot more to learn.  Join my for the journey - here and on my blog at
What-I-Learned-Along-The-Way.blogspot.com